By Niall McArdle
The Versatile Blogger Award is a wonderful way to recognise blogs that inspire you and make your day that bit better. I am humbled and grateful for the nod. Because good vibes need to be spread, the Award works a bit like Pay It Forward/chainmail/spam. In accordance with the rules, therefore, I would like to pass the torch to the following, each of which are fun, interesting, versatile blogs. Please take a moment and check them out.
Facts About Me
1. I can’t explain why the particular stink of Booterstown at low tide is special for me. It just is. Hey, it’s also special for Elvis Costello.
2. Somewhere in the world there are photos of me in drag (allegedly). These are obviously photoshopped. If you ever see them, feel free to shake your head in disappointment at the pathetic fakery involved.
3. An interesting anagram of my name is “M.C. Anal Drille”. This is also the name I use in pornos.
4. My name is pronounced “Nile”. For some reason, many of my Canadian neighbours insist on calling me Neil, Nail or Nigel. My full name in Irish translates as “Champion, Son of High Valour”, so I am planning my tombstone to look something like this:
5. My nickname at school was Muscles. It was ironic. In certain parts of Georgia, I am still remembered as the notorious outlaw Dublin Slim.
I have also been known as King Crash and more recently in celebrity VIP circles as “NiMac”. The name Raging Fluff was bestowed upon me by the Grand Master of a Ancient and Most Secret Order, of which I am a Thirty-Third and a Quarter Degree Member. I swore a blood oath upon taking the name, so I cannot reveal its meaning. You can address me as Sir Fluff, Fluffy-san or Your Fluffiness.
6. I don’t have a driving license. I took lessons when I was 17. They didn’t go well and I almost caused an accident on the Rock Road. I decided to stick to the DART instead.
7. I have met – and almost met – a few famous people. I have had close encounters with Matt Dillon, Pavarotti, Seamus Heaney, Roddy Doyle, Whoopi Goldberg and Aonghus MacAnally (I was eleven and got to watch Anything Goes live from behind the cameras: when a friend and I were talking too loudly, MacAnally glared at us and told us to shut up.)
8. In 1969 I ran a black bag operation out of Da Nang, battling with a noble warrior enemy, the Man in the Black Pyjamas. I lost a lot of buddies to Charlie, a lot of good guys who died face-down in the mud just so you can enjoy your Big Mac and watch cable TV. You’re welcome.
9. On my first night in Seoul, a man tried to pick me up in a bar. He took my hand, stroked my palm with his finger, smiled and said, “you my girlfriend now!” Something similar happened to me in Thailand and Vietnam: I can only conclude from this that I am highly attractive to diminutive Asian men.
10. I was a bit of a delinquent kid.
A life of crime was inevitable. I did a five-year stretch in San Quentin for my part in an armed robbery. While in stir, I took to model shipbuilding and shanking stooges in the yard. My cellblock nickname, depending upon which of the jailhouse gangs you were in, was either Nails McHarder, Senor Cabeza de la Patata, or DeNial.
11. When I was in Korea, I once had to bow down to, then eat, a pig’s head. Apparently this was for luck (whose I’m not sure).
12. Once I used to look like this:
But I was younger then. I am about to turn 37! Where does the time go?
13. Some of the things I have just told you are not true.